Probing Porn: Real Sex vs. Porn Sex

words by Rita Future

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Ah, the thrills, the hot and silent sweating, the smooth and subliminal sexual conditioning, the instant gratification and the accompanying goosebumps, the feelings of physical inadequacy, the pure pleasures I have experienced through watching porn! I love it, oh yes. At least, I love advocating for the idea of porn. As a mainly visual display of human erotic nature, I happily consume it when the (porn) stars align.

 

Obviously, porn can be enticing and erotic. It can be educational watching people have consensual sex, exploring their sexuality, celebrating the body’s vast ability to experience a myriad of sensations. Pornography allows the viewer to conveniently indulge in a short-term body-bliss, removing any of the responsibility that comes with real-life sexual activity (getting consent, getting tested, using condoms, figuring out a safe word, etc.). For some people watching porn is just the sexual excitement needed to focus or exercise their fantasies, whether enjoying a solo rub down after work or a pre-game before date night. From the 30 second jerk-off loop to the full-feature Good Times parody, porn certainly is widely available and not going anywhere. One out of eight internet searches involve sexual content, about 85-90% of that content is complimentary - and you already know there’s an app for all of that.

Although easy on the wallet, a wide majority of these widely accessible films do not represent sex realistically, which can lead to culturally pervasive misunderstandings about how bodies and sex actually work.  Around two-thirds of available pornography is produced in the U.S. and a heavy majority of it’s content is not body-positive, sex-positive, or safer-sex skill-building.  Which means for someone like me, who is sexual, wants to consume erotic images, and cares about all those things, it has become a huge task to actually find enjoyable content! Instead, what I am finding is what I like to call, “SLIM-porn” (Sex with Limiting Images in the Mainstream). SLIM-porn mainly represents white, cisgendered, hairless, heterosexual - unless you’re a woman, then hetero-flexible - and oiled-up couples, leaving everyone else’s stories and sexualities untold and unrepresented, essentially invisible. At that point we’re just hiding the complete, comprehensive coital truth of human erotic experiences. SLIM-porn isn’t really concerned with it’s messaging or healthy sexual relationships, most often leaving out conversations involving consent and safety.  

Essentially this means that when we are dealing with SLIM-porn we are dealing with FANTASY.  It's commonly understood that the movies we see at the theater are fantastic stories that don't play out in our everyday lives. Why, then, can’t we separate pornographic sex from real sex as easily? After all, it is just a movie. After leaving an action movie it wouldn't be wise to attempt dipping down the interstate at 110 miles per hour trying to foil the villain's plan - that's how you get your ass a ticket. When interacting and playing with others it’s important to be open to experiences outside of the activities and traditions of SLIM-porn.  So no speeding - unless everyone involved is down for the ride.

With admittingly copious amounts of porn viewing under my belt (heh), I felt it appropriate to give porn a little probing of my own. Exploring the themes presented on the slippery sets of pornography and what is happening off-screen.

PornSexy vs. RealSexy

 

Sex Positions

Sex positions are centered around what looks good on camera. They are based on what shots the director wants to see on screen and what keeps a viewer's attention - fast, pounding movement, and wide expressive faces screaming in ecstasy, rarely a dull moment!

Real sex, when not involving cameras, doesn’t need to consider the images being created. Let pleasure be thy guide! Acknowledge where there are good feelings or moves that could be further explored. Also, checking in with a simple “How’s this?” encourages open communication, or even direction, for more enjoyment with partners.

 

Roles

Masculine roles are assumed to be dominant - the top decision maker and potential penetrator.  Meanwhile feminine roles are assumed to be subservient - the one frolicking happily into submission with a passion for following directions.

Many people, regardless of gender, find excitement in letting go of these stereotypes and cultural expectations. Also, there is power in any role a person takes in the sack - as long as it’s consensual.

 

 

Storylines

In the typical SLIM-porn storyline, the climax is not actually the climax, it’s the conclusion. An orgasm is the goal (whether real or contrived), penetration is the cab that got us there, and there’s sticky shit on the seat.

Focusing heavily on orgasm doesn’t leave room for the beautifully complicated nuances that go into healthy (long- or short-term) sex.  If an orgasm is a person's goal, sweet! The reality though, is that not everyone shares the same goals. Like when you’re ordering pizza with other people, each person equally deserves to be satisfied if they’re going in on the bill.  Make sure you know what kind of experience people are looking for.  A variety of pleasurable experiences are there for exploring, potentially giving way to finding new opportunities to feel good in our bodies. People should understand each others’ expectations and feel happy about what is to come (heh). Also not everyone always wants, or even enjoys, penetrative sex. For instance, vaginas have all different parts to them! They’ve got insides, and outsides, they got arounds, and you can reach ‘em from the back. So whatever kind of parts a person is playing with, be creative with the story you’re trying to tell - switch that shit up.

 

Grooming

Shaved, symmetrical vulvas make it rain in any weather.

In real life? Hairless privates exist, however, the majority of vulva-owners keep at least some sexy strands. Regardless of the parts, they ALL look different. Inner-labia longer than outer-labia, a little clitoris, a narrow vaginal canal - all wonderfully unique.

Wetness inside the vagina can depend on a body’s hydration, relaxation, and, of course, on the time taken. These factors could also affect a vagina’s ability to ejaculate. Lube is a must, keep it around to make sex safer and heighten the sensation.

 

Duration

The SLIM-porn penis can continuously pump for 45 minutes with ten inches of throbbing triumph.

Once an erection occurs it’s normal for a penis to internally pump about 3-7 minutes - this is normal! This really demonstrates that penetrative sex could transition from being understood as the main course to being seen as an after-dinner port or a side of garlic mashed potatoes - mmm. Also, the average penis size is five to six inches in length; the general depth people find enjoyable inside the vagina, butt and mouth is about three to five inches of space.

 

Anal

Butts are eager for anal love at the sight of a dildo.

Depending on the goodies you’re getting, some sexy-spots need a longer warm up than others. Butts take the most time, especially with internal sex. Porn performers have to warm up for anal sex too - sometimes 20-40 minutes - it just happens off-camera.

 

Consent

Whether strangers, old schoolmates, or the new office mailboy, everyone is happy with the sex that happens without previous conversation or negotiation.

Many times porn performers do talk beforehand about what works and what doesn’t work for them during a scene, just not on film. In real life, talking transparently about expectations can ensure people feel happy about what’s happening. Discussing details can be sexy - it can build trust between lovers to know that everyone’s safety and enjoyment is genuinely considered.


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Woe to the sensuous inconsistency between what's represented in SLIM-porn and what actually plays out in reality!

On the horizon, there are waves of new sex-positive options now claiming a slice in time - exciting! There are films being made with actors deciding the sexual activities, female directors, and a wider variety of body-types and abilities. I believe in a more sex-positive future for pornographic media involving images that are inclusive, empowering, and just as sexy, while illustrating a more complete picture of our sexuality. Until then, remember that all of our sexy parts are unique and experience enjoyment differently. It’s important not to base your own (or others’) self-worth on comparisons, especially in relation to what’s on screen.  Feel confident in knowing that however your body curves, stretches or squirts is just how it’s supposed to. Regardless of being on- or off-screen all people deserve respect and an individualized sexual care package specific to their needs.

 

*Disclaimer! Depending on the state/country of your residence, there may be an age restriction of 18 years of age or older to view pornography. Don’t fuck around and get yourself in trouble.

 

List of resources:

 

+Beautiful Agony - Video collection of just faces and sounds in heat: 

 

Vivid-Ed - Educational porn offering a plethora of expert guides to topics like female orgasm, oral sex, threesomes, rough sex, hand jobs, sex positions and way more.

 

Comstock Films - Vignettes of real couples talking about how they hooked up, with a sex scene shown afterwards -- sweet and fucking sexy!

 

Tristan Taormino's Chemistry series - features porn stars spending the weekend in a house together having the sex they want to have. The bonus disc incorporates interviews with the cast talking about being in the porn industry and what they like to do. I’d recommend volume three (wink wink).

 

+Labia defined as “too detailed” in Australia: Labiaplasty Hungry Beast Ep. 14 (NSFW, surgical imagry

 

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